SMARTJUICE

The Cause of My Ulcer

So that was my life for a while. And let me tell you, it was a fun life.

But now it's all over and the less said about that test and all that material the better.

The funny thing about becoming a hermit and spending all your time inside your apartment is that life still goes on around you. And boy, life sure has continued. This summer has been a crazy one, in good ways and bad ways. There've been deaths. And there's been birth. And there's been acts of vandalism. There has been so much that has happened that I want to sit down and process and write about. And I will do that soon, but not anytime this week. We're leaving for sunny San Diego tomorrow for a week of relaxation and rest, and I couldn't be more thrilled. I especially could not be more thrilled to leave the 107 degree temperatures that have become a fixture on the Dallas social scene these past weeks and enjoy the 75 degree weather with a sea breeze in San Diego.

So, enjoy the week. And then start checking back in next week, where I will write about things. As opposed to writing about non-things. Or as opposed to just not writing ANYthing in general, which is much more my style.

School's Out For Summer...And Then Some

Last week I took my last exam in law school. To complete the circle, I took the exam in the same room as my first law school exam. It's one of the only classrooms on the second floor that has windows, so you actually have an idea of what is going on outside. I remember taking that very first exam and looking outside the windows as four hours passed by and day turned into night. I also distinctly remember how weird and infuriating it was that four hours did not seem like an adequate time for the exam, and how if I just had two more hours I could have answered everything sufficiently. Because that is normal..to want an exam to last six hours instead of four. Needless to say, that first exam was difficult. So to complete the circle even more, it was only fitting that my last exam was beyond difficult. Possibly even the most difficult in all of law school. So difficult that there were times where I found myself audibly chuckling at some of the questions and my feeble attempts at answering them. Ah, the joys of a pass/fail class! Except that there were times during that exam where I wondered if I would even get the meager passing grade that I needed. Here's hoping!

Two days after my last exam I graduated. Like most of my other graduations, it was a surreal experience. It always takes me a little while to process when things end. It feels as if I am just on summer break, killing a week or two before my summer job starts. That is not the case this time. There can be no summer break when you are done with school, and I'm about to start prep classes for that giant test I have to take in July.

The question I get the most lately from friends and relatives is if I was glad I went back to school, specifically law school. Was it all worth it? It's a question I ask myself as well. I wasn't the kid that grew up saying "I'm going to be a lawyer." Even when I graduated from undergrad, when I had a fleeting thought about going to law school, I told myself it wasn't for me and that I was through with school for a while. And when I started working and would talk to friends going through law school, I would always think to myself that it sounded like torture. So what changed?

I try to imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't made that decision to go back to school. I'm guessing I would still be at the same company, but with a different title and much more responsibility. I would most likely be driving a different vehicle and not the 10 year old truck I drive now. Maybe I would have stocked enough money away to scrape up a down payment and would be living in a house. Maybe getting married would have come at a different time.

I remember one day during my first year as if it were yesterday. It was one of those days. I was beat down and felt so defeated for various reasons. To make a long story short, there was an incident with the light rail train downtown and the trains couldn't get through. I called Wife, who was GF at the time, and asked if she would come pick me up downtown. The only place I could think of to tell her to meet me was in front of my old building. So I sat on a bench for 10 or so minutes until she came, staring at my old building, my old life. I wanted nothing more at that moment than to take it all back. To still be working. To still be making money. To not have to worry about school, studying, commuter trains, professors, etc. I wanted my old life back, and all the comfort and complacency that came with it. 

Instead, I left that job and that life. I left a debt-free existence and took on school loans. I downsized into a tiny apartment for one year, was thankfully was allowed to live rent-free for another year, and then moved back in with the parents and commuted like crazy for most of the last year until the wedding. I left a life where nights and weekends were care-free and took on a life where there was always something hanging over my head. I took on studying again. I took on exams again.

See, at my old job I didn't see a future. Not for me anyway. And all the experience I was receiving was preparing me to take jobs in the same area and industry, which was not something I wanted. If I ever wanted to switch to another industry, I would have to start all over again. So I guess I decided to start over in a big way. That fleeting law school thought I had years and years ago started to grow. Whereas my current occupation seemed so limited and narrow, a law degree seemed so open-ended. Now, the future I see is drastically different and is full of limitless possibilities.

Law school challenged me in ways I never dreamed of. And it changed me in ways I never dreamed of. And while the immediate future and my job prospects are uncertain and up in the air, I know that things will fall into place. I definitely have ideas about where I want to go and what area I want to start out in, so I can only pray and work hard to make sure that happens. I can honestly say that I'm glad I did it, and can say with certainty that it was worth it.

And above all else, it definitely made me smarter. 

   

Lessons In Procrastination

So, Spring Break. Woo!!

[Flashes chest and shotguns a beer!]

SPRING BREAK!!!!

My spring break has been filled with writing a paper, tweaking my resume, and other atypical spring break things like that. Unfortunately, I have to write a paper for a seminar class I am taking this semester. The first draft is due the day we get back from break and I am trying to make my draft as complete as possible. I don't have the time to mess with this paper later in the semester because I will need to be studying for exams. I will need a lot of time for that this semester. I'm not as on top of things this go around. None of my friends are. Classes seem boring, reading seems tedious, no one even seems to pay attention. This might cause problems near exam time considering we will have to, you know, teach ourselves a few subjects. Piece of cake.

I've never had too many problems with writing papers. They have always been my bread and butter. The only issue I've had with papers and essays was when one of my high school English teachers wanted to discuss a paper with me. She told me that I had shot the bull dead. My look of confusion made her elaborate more by saying, "it sounds good and very intelligent, but you basically just BS'ed your way through 10 pages. You shot the bull. The bull is dead." I had to change my writing habits after that. Don't take that to mean that I don't still shoot the bull. I still do that. Often, and with good precision. Sometimes the bull needs to be shot. It helps with over-population.

Now, like most writers, I too suffer from that sweet drug called procrastination. It feels so good, until the paper is due. Then the pressure starts to mount and the writing juices start to flow. It would be such a natural high, if it weren't so stressful. This paper is no exception.

I took a break yesterday to email some old co-workers about the NCAA brackets. [Aggies all the way!] Those emails turned into future emails. Then it turned into this. A little bit of background: an old co-worker is a huge soccer fan and a great soccer player. She is madly in love with David Beckham and is convinced that his move to LA to play soccer is a way to get closer to her. I like to have fun with this delusion.

"Uh, Posh love, I have something to tell you. You see, dear, once we get to the States I must leave you for this awesome footballer girl I know. Sorry love. Cheerio and whatnot."

"Just stop right there. I bloody knew this would happen one day. I knew my super skinny legs and arms would be replaced by some football bimbo. I knew your love for the sport would one day eclipse our love and take you away from me and into the arms of a football star. I guess I can't hate the player, but I can hate the game! Damn football! Damn it to hell! Just wait until I release my next single entitled "Football Ho, You Took My Man. Football Ho, Talk To The Hand." It's going to be huge. Gold and platinum selling. I can't believe this is happening to me. I'm bloody Posh Spice!"

So that was that. I started back on my paper, but I soon realized that there was more that could be done. I couldn't very well mention a soon-to-be released single entitled "Football Ho, You Took My Man. Football Ho, Talk To The Hand." and not include the lyrics to said single. What kind of procrastinator would I be if I did not sit down and write lyrics to an entire song. So that is what I did. I know this reads more like a poem, but just pick a tune and fit the lyrics to that tune.

"Football Ho, You Took My Man. Football Ho, Talk To The Hand!"

Listen up, I wanna sing you a song. Settle down now, it won't take long. You're probably wonderin' why, It looks like I'ma gonna cry, well you see, I've just been done wrong.

You may think I've got the world at my feet. Money clothes jewels, it's all so neat. Those skinny legs o' mine are so tan, but they can't play football and that's how I lost my man.

[Chorus]: Football Ho, you took my man. Football Ho, talk to the hand. Football Ho, you're game is whack. Football Ho, you're gonna get smacked.

The future sure looked good in the US of A. Then my golden prince got lured away. Into the arms of another footballer he fled, and my eyes started seeing red. I don't stand for this, hell no, no way.

You see I run with Kate and Tom Cruise. And when it's time to kick but I don't hit snooze. Gonna take a break from all my shopping, to do some old fashioned whopping. I'm scopin' out your body for a place to put my bruise.

Football Ho, you took my man. Football Ho, talk to the hand. Football Ho, your game is whack. Football Ho, you're gonna get smacked.

[Rap portion of song]: I am on a roll, I'ma bout to lose control. Gonna get up in your face, gonna put it on myspace. Gonna call my girls of spice, it ain't gonna end up nice. Gonna take you for a ride, no more Posh, I'm Mrs. Hyde!

Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, oh oh oh oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-ho

FOOTBALL HOOOOOOOOOOO!

Football Ho, you took my man. Football Ho, talk to the hand. Football Ho, you're game is whack. Football Ho, you're gonna get smacked.

I better get royalties off of this thing.

A Change Will Do You Good?

Here it is, 12:30am and I am still at work. I took a dinner break of course, but am still up here, toiling away. Was up here late the past two nights, and even came in on Saturday. But I don't mind. You see, I am a procrastinator by nature, escpecially when it comes to small things. I have been putting off many small things, and I could continue to keep putting them off if it weren't for this deadline looming over my head. For Friday is my last day with my current company, and truthfully, I'm pretty sad about my decision.

At the end of this month, I will be attending law school full time. This has been something that's been going on for awhile now. It was a full year of planning a preparation. I had fully intended on going to school part time, but I began to question if I could hack a full time job in addition to a professional school. Some people can, but I don't think I am one of those people. I decided to capitilize on a good situation in life (no family, good savings) and go full time. So I quit. I gave a 2 month notice, which at the time seemed like an eternity, but it's crazy how fast it went. Some people thought I was crazy to give such a long notice, but how could I not? I've seen first hand how a 2 week notice (heck, I've felt the reprecussions of a 2 day notice) can affect everyone. If I knew I was leaving, I figured that they should as well.

What it boils down to is that I lucked out big time when I started working here after college. It's been 2.5 years, and I can honestly say I've enjoyed most of it. The biggest reasons for this are the people I work with. My co-workers. My team members. Somewhere along the line though, they ceased being those nouns. Instead, they became my friends.

I've seen these people more than I've seen my family, my girlfriend, my "other" friends, etc. I've seen them get married. I've seen them have babies. I've seen them early in the morning for charity runs. I've seen them late at night at happy hours. I've learned about their families. I've been to their houses. I know about their vacation plans. They've given me nicknames. They've made me laugh countless times. Gut wrenching, open mouth laughing. They let me make them laugh.

It's always a weird feeling to leave a job that you like. In a way, enjoying your job and co-workers can be a Catch 22. When it is time to leave, you never really want to, even if it is the best decision. It seems that when people hate their jobs, they have no problem leaving. But I have a problem with leaving. I've done it before; it's awkward. You stand around, looking at these people. Lingering. Telling them bye. Making plans to meet up soon, but never knowing if it will happen. And if it does happen, trying to get over that "work friend" hump. The hump where you only talk about work related things, which don't mean that much to you anymore. It becomes an effort, whereas before, it was effortless.

But I suppose there is no turning back now. My resignation letter was approved ages ago. My replacement is being hired. My PTO is being cashed out (and is being directly applied to a laptop, so better updating!). Even my going away happy hour is planned (tomorrow night). But I'd be lying if I didn't say a part of me wants to come in next Monday and say, "Just kidding...take me back?" That can't be done though.

All I can do now is finish up a project, go home and go to bed. And I can hope. I can hope that these people, these people that I just happened to come in contact with, these people I call my co-workers and peers, will truly cease to be my co-workers, but will continue to be my friends.