SMARTJUICE

Where the Wild Things Are

So, this guy has been staring at me for the last couple of hours.

And no, we don't normally have random four feet giraffe's hanging around the apartment. He is apparently a baby gift for one of Wife's friends. I'm not sure though, because if this thing was hanging out in my nursery, looking over at me in my crib, I think I'd be afraid. It's something about the eyes. They are too calm, like a serial killer. I half expect to turn around and find him holding (pawing?) one of the butcher knives. I don't mean to villianize a child's stuffed animal, but all I'm saying is that I better watch out while I take a shower. Or sleep with one eye open. Especially after I forced him to do the following. Because really, what good is a four foot giraffe if you can't have fun with it?

You can make him fix your lunch. Grilled cheese with ham please.

You can turn him into a bartender and ask him to pour you one. Then you can tell him all your problems.

You can turn him into a rock star and make him give you a private performance. Rock on!

You can convince him to better himself academically and make him go to and eventually graduate from law school. Emphasis on Animal Law, of course.

You can force him to make the bed.

You can then catch him taking a nap when he is supposed to be making the bed. This will not make you happy.

You can then play "Godfather" and mimic the scene where the movie producer guy wakes up to find his prized horse's head in his bed. Except, you know, with a giraffe this time.

And then you can make him sweep up the apartment with the giraffe-print broom. You know, just a subtle reminder that bad and disobedient giraffes sometimes don't get happy endings in the African Sahara. I'm just saying.

10 Things

Well, I got tagged on my friend Carole Brady's mommy-blog. (Real name is not Carole Brady. Named Carole Brady because of the unfortunate Carole Brady-esque haircut she received in high school.) The assignment is to divulge 10 things about yourself that not many people know. And since I'm killing time in between classes, I figure I should go ahead and do it. So here goes:

1. In fifth grade I attempted to cheat on a fractions and percentage test in my math class. I say attempted because I got caught before I could even get the goods. For some reason I missed the original test and had to make it up. And back then I did not understand fractions or decimals, largely in part because I chose not to understand them. So, I was sitting in our empty math class room taking my test, all the while knowing that everyone had already got their graded tests back and those were in everyone's math folders sitting on their desks. So I got the bright idea to look at someone's test to check my work. And then the teacher walked in. And then I had some splaining to do. I think she realized I was cracking under some intense 5th grade pressure, and combined with my sterling reputation, decided to take pity on me by giving me a 60 or something on the test rather than give me zero. However, at the time I was either student of the month, or was about to be student of the month, so needless to say I was stripped of the title and all the benefits of said title. And that is why I don't cheat: A) I'm not good at it and B) I can't handle the guilt that comes with it.
2. One time when I was younger, my good friends and I built forts in this field behind our houses. This is where we would go to escape the evil world of our parents. One time we all were mad at something...or someone...I can't really remember what it was. Anyway, while we were out at the fields we decided to take out our anger by cussing. The rules were simple: each of us could pick one cuss word to say and no one would inform our parents of our misdeeds. I chose to say the "F" word. Yes, it seems I like to get the most bang from my buck. No reason to waste that opportunity on some wussy cuss word.
3. I have OCD issues when it comes to shoes. Specifically, I don't like my shoes, especially tennis shoes, to get dirty. And I have major issues with dirty shoes on carpet. Like if I walk through a puddle, I have a hard time walking on carpet soon after that because I know the bottoms of my shoes are probably still wet and dirty. Weird, I know.
4. Combined with that, I also have serious OCD issues when it comes to water around sinks. I hate it when people splash water all around the sink and don't wipe it up. My college roommate was notorious about this. I told my sister about this once. When my roommate and I went to visit her in NYC, she was drying her hair in the bathroom and he went in to wash his hands real quick and got water everywhere. My sister, none the wiser, said something to the effect of "Matt was right about you getting water everywhere." To which he replied "huh?" Because that was not something I had ever actually told him. Oops.
5. I cried during the movie Lilo and Stitch. In defense of myself, if there is even a defense for this sort of thing, I had just returned with my family from Hawaii so the whole Hawaiian vibe made me nostalgic. And, I had just graduated from college and my future at that point was very uncertain and I was a little shell-shocked from no longer being a college student and not having any job prospects in the near future. That makes it cool, right?
6. One time in middle school we played this dodgeball-esque game in gym class. It was like dodgeball, except each team had three traffic cones, and if the other team knocked over all three cones, then all of their teammates who had been pegged got to come back out and play. At one point, I was the last person on my team and there was one cone standing on my side and one cone standing on the other team's side. Imagine the following in slow motion...it's better that way. I dodged a ball and and threw my ball at the other team's last cone, tipping it over. My teammates on the sideline all got to come back out, and they quickly dispatched the other team. We won. Everyone cheered for me. That was a good day.
7. The above story surprises me, because I don't do well when it comes to throwing things under pressure. It's why I never liked throwing sports and instead preferred sports like soccer or tennis. When there is a pressure situation, I get nervous and sometimes forget to release the ball when I should which results in the ball...not going very far. Like, sometimes hitting the ground five feet in front on me. My dad and my sister do a great imitation of how I muck things up when I try to throw things under pressure.
8. One time I made my mom really angry and was all set to get a spanking. This was nothing new. I was always talking back or doing things I was told not to. We call this "strong willed." I was also very adept at talking my way out of things. I had begged and pleaded enough to convince my mom to not spank me. To hammer in her point though, she asked "I guess you won't do that again, will you?" I simply replied "I will if I want." The spanking commenced.
9. I used to show chickens when I was younger as part of an agriculture club. To show a chicken, you have to hold it upside down by its feet. Sometimes the chickens freak out and flap their wings, so you have to calm them by rubbing their chests. Sometimes they also throw up from being upside down and it lands on your shoes. Good times.
10. And lastly, I laugh when people trip and/or fall. It's horrible. I'm horrible. But I can't help it. However, I'm the first person to laugh at myself when I fall. That makes it better, right? Right?

And that's all. Not gonna tag anyone for this, as I have too many important things to do. Like go clean around the sink. Or clean my tennis shoes. Or watch Lilo and Stitch and NOT cry this time.    

Failure To Thrive

A side effect of being engaged to someone who works for a pediatric hospital is that you begin to know more about infants and toddlers than your counterparts, especially your single male counterparts. Like how I know that a car seat has to be rear-facing up until a child reaches a certain weight, not when a child turns a certain age. And I know that it is important to cure feeding issues in small children because feeding issues can lead to no eating, which can lead to developmental problems, etc.

I also have learned that it is not "child directive" to instruct a child on how to glue things to his Christmas stocking so that it will actually look nice instead of looking like something the Glitter Monster vomited out of its mouth. Or how it really isn't "kid friendly" to take the PS3 controller from a kid to help him get past a level, and then forget to give it back. I'm not so sure these things have been "medically proven", so I'm a little wary.

It is through this proximity to child development that I learned about failure to thrive. Technically, failure to thrive is a description applied to children whose current weight or range of weight gain is significantly below that of other children of similar age and sex. See, this is not what I thought it meant. I thought failure to thrive was more akin to just giving up. And I guess it kinda is. FTT kids have giving up on eating, or eating enough anyway. The point I'm trying to make is (and yes, there is a point), is that I have never seen failure to thrive up close and personal. Until the 4th.

I, GF, and another couple went to her aunt's lake house to celebrate Independence Day. During one of the breaks in the rain, we took the boat over to another friend's house to join in on their 4th festivities. It is at this house that we met Garcia.

Things you should know about Garcia:

• Garcia is a dog.
• Garcia is a mutt.
• Garcia understands both English and Spanish.
• Garcia is not a swimmer.
• Instead of two healthy eyes, one of Garcia's eyes is milky and does not work.

We did not really pay that much attention to Garcia at first, aside from the whole, "Hey look, a mutt that reacts to both English and Spanish and has a gross, milky eye." Instead we just enjoyed the company and the holiday. We chatted with new acquaintances, swam around, jumped off the boat house into the lake, etc. And now I can't exactly remember how it happened or the events leading up to it, but I do know the following happened:

There was a loud noise. Garcia got spooked and freaked the heck out. He turned around and began to run for the house. However, he cut one of the boat dock corners short, on account of the milky eye and all. So he basically ran directly off the boat dock and into the water. He bobbed up and down and paddled a few times. And that is when it happened. Failure to thrive. For not even five seconds after he fell in the water, Garcia gave up. And like many a goldfish do, he turned belly up and began to sink. Seriously, he flipped over so his stomach was facing upwards and he began to sink. His little eyes - make that eye - had this look of confusion, fear, and then ultimately resignation. It was as if he decided he was done with this world and the oppression he faced as a bilingual mutt with a milky eye.

One thing Garcia did not consider were the 10 or so people standing on the dock, watching as this little mutt turned belly up and began to sink. Of course someone came to the rescue. Garcia was pulled out of the water by the scruff of his neck and placed back on the dock. And then he just stood there. All eyes were on him. And his eyes - make that eye - gave a look of confusion, then relief, then ultimately embarrassment. And then he ran to the house, successfully this time.

Despite his failure to thrive, Garcia was saved. Garcia would live to see another day. Well, to see half of another day at least, on account of the milky eye and all. 

27 in 2007: The Verdict

Might as well get this over with. I apologize for an extended absence. Blah blah blah....busy busy busy. I'm lazy. As we are about to see with this stupid list I did last year. I decided I wasn't going to even look back on this, but here I go. I'm thinking this will depress me.

1. Run a 5K. Do this completely and without walking. I hate this one. I really hate it. Why I always think this is do-able is beyond me. When am I going to give up on the notion of being a 'runner'?

2. Find a law related job for the summer. I actually found two law related jobs this summer, which was quite nice. They were both drastically different and helped me realize what I wanted to do once law school is over. Sometimes, what you think you want to do is horrendously boring and makes you want to jab a pen into your eye. Just saying.

3. Go to a Stars game. Or a Maverick's game. Drink a cold beer and cheer loudly. I didn't do either of these, but I did go to a Ranger's game. I did not drink a beer and cheer loudly though as I was there as a chaperone. To kids. To sick kids. To sick kids staying in a hospital. Does this count for 5 things? I think so.

4. Wash and wax my truck by hand. Haha. Pay someone to wash your truck by hand? Does that count? Lord, that's lazy.

5. Find a good volunteer opportunity. Hmm...chaperoning sick kids to the Rangers? Not what I intended for this entry. In actuality, I tried to volunteer my time for this immigration organization (because I have to have so many pro bono hours for school), but they made it SO HARD to volunteer. Firstly, I kept emailing the contact and she never wrote back. When I finally tracked her down she simply said, "I don't handle volunteers anymore," and promptly hung up. So that put me off of that organization, as well as volunteering apparently because I never followed up after that.

6. Go to the Dallas Museum of Art. Preferably on one of these nights. Nope. Hopefully this year though. It's crazy stupid that I've never been there. I literally worked caddy corner to the place back when I was in the working world. That would have been a cool lunch break back in the day.

7. Do something with the gym membership. Yes! Switched it over to a closer location and GF and I started going regularly. Then irregularly. The regularly again. We are on an irregular cycle right now, but that is about to change. Us and the other 1000 people that will there after the New Year.

8. Travel by plane to a fun destination. Yes, yes, and yes! I must admit, I sorta set this one up. When I made this last year, I pretty much knew that GF and I were going to Laguna Beach to visit our good friends, Blondeemily and Reid. They had been living in the LB for a year and were about to move back in March, so we had to take advantage of that opportunity. We had an incredible time as Blondeemily and Reid and some of the best tour guides ever. I really should do a separate post on this with pictures and everything. However, aside from this fun trip, GF and I also flew up to Canada for a weekend to attend a party. That sounds a lot crazier and jet-setting than it was. In reality, it was flying to Detroit and then driving across the border to attend a post-wedding celebration for Evil Sister and her Canadian husband in his hometown. And then, GF and I were given an awesome opportunity to go to Playa Del Carmen for the wedding of some of our good friends. The couple hired GF to take the pictures and I was the assistant. It was an incredible trip.

9. Swim in a swimming hole. By swimming hole, I really meant concrete swimming hole. And yes, I swam in a pool this summer. Haha.

10. Go to a new restaurant, instead of the standbys. I would really like to try out Trece or Cafe Toulouse. Okay, I did not try either of those places, but I did go to some new restaurants. Chief among them was Hattie's, which we have heard a lot about and wanted to try for sometime. Luckily, this was my going away dinner for one of my jobs this summer. Then we also went to Cafe Vera Cruz with some friends. Both of these places are in this really hip area south of Dallas that I have been wanting to check out for a long time.

11.  Use the golf clubs that I bought before I quit my job. Nope. They will be used this year though. Somehow, someway. Needless to say, I can only imaging how good that is going to be.

12. Go through boxes and get rid of things that I keep moving from place to place. If I haven't seen and/or used the stuff in over a year, then I probably do not need it, and it must go. I moved again, so this happened. I think I got rid of some good stuff, as well as clothes that were never worn. That always feels so good.

13. Find a liquor drink. Did not do this either. However, I gained a greater appreciation for wine this past year, so can that count?

14. Read a book unrelated to school. Yes I did, although now I can't even remember titles. But I did read a couple this past summer. I promise.

15. Enjoy a weekend at the lake. Spent weekends at a few different lakes and they were all a blast. This was another one where I knew it was going to happen because lake weekends are an integral part of my summer.

16. Figure out my 401K situation. Oops. This is on my short list for this week. Why have I not done this?

17. Go to the Arboretum for one of the concerts in the spring/summer. Schedules just really didn't permit this. And it rained a lot at the beginning of the summer. A whole lot.

18. Go to the Sate Fair of Texas and eat a whole lot of fried food. Oh boy, did I. Corny dog. French fries. Nachos. Fried cookie dough. It was heaven. I have pictures from this and will need to post those sometime. I love the fair.

19. Order my vehicle registration sticker on time...for once. Oh wow, this did not happen. In fact, I got a ticket for expired registration. That led to this whole ordeal of trying to get the ticket waived after I renewed the registration. Long story short, the cop failed to fill out this vital box of the form, so although I renewed the registration and they normally would waive it, they could not because this one box was not complete. That meant I had to schedule a court date for three months later to argue the thing, which was not worth it. Why can I never remember to do this?

20. A couple of people I know have recently moved into new houses. It would be nice to actually go see these houses. Maybe even bring them a plant or something. Some people moved into new apartments and I saw those. That counts.

21. Go through my parent's storage building again and sort out the remaining stuff of mine that has been in there for some time. I did not do this, but upon further inspection, I don't think I have that much stuff in there. I could be wrong though. So, I'm crossing this off.

22. Have my college diploma framed. Still rolled up in the tube in a closet at my parents. Once again, lazy.

23. Go camping. Whether it is tent camping or cabin camping will be determined later. Yes! Went to Pedernales Falls near Austin and tent camped with some of our good friends. We had a great time, except that the air mattress we brought sprung a leak and we had to sleep on the hard ground. And yes, I realize how spoiled that sounds. We also had a run-in with a raccoon.

24. Go visit my younger cousin at his college which is an hour away from here. Take him to dinner or something. Sorry cuz....maybe this next year?

25. Play a game of tennis. Wii tennis? Does that count? I think so. Also, watched many games of tennis when GF's cousin came into to town for a tennis tournament. All about the tennis here.

26. Continue regular church attendance and not make excuses when things get busy. It did get very busy at times, especially the holidays, but we went as often as we could. And the church moved into its official building and it is really nice.

and lastly...

27.  This one I'm gonna sit on for now. Just a goal of mine that I'm keeping to myself. Okay, most people figured this one out. It was to propose to GF, which I did. So we're engaged and the wedding is soon. Crazy soon. We have a huge long list of stuff to get done, which should be fun and stressful all at the same time. But that is how we roll.

So, 16 out of 17. Not horrible. Not great though either. Notice however that there is no 28 in 2008. I don't think I can handle that pressure.

My Name Is...

[Y'all...the format is all screwed up. Why can't I figure out typepad sometimes? Why can't I have spaces between paragraphs? I've tried to fix it 4 or 5 times. So, it is what it is. I'm sorry...this isn't very readable.]

At work the other day I had to call this guy named Stephen.

"May I please speak to Steven," I asked.

"This is SteFen," was the icy response.

At to that I say, suck it. Your name is Steven. Yes, we call a phone a fone, and a photograph a fotograph, but we don't extend that to the name Stephen. I mean, we can....but we just don't. We're not in Europe. And trying to change the pronunciation of your name to make it sound more intellectual or formal isn't going to actually accomplish that. It's just going to annoy the people who are forced to remember Stephen = Stefen. And why so mad, Stefen? Surely this isn't the first time you've been addressed as Steven! Again I say, suck it.

All of this Stefen business got me thinking about names in general. Specifically, why can't people just do normal things with name?

In college, one of the administrators of the school did that thing where he only listed his first initial, then middle name, then last name. So it read as J. MiddleName LastName. Maybe I shouldn't admit this, but I became a little obsessed over what the J. stood for. It had to be something really awkward or embarrasing to warrant only an initial? Was it Jermaine? Jamal? Jebediah? Jasper? Juan? Jose? Not that those names are awkward or embarrasing, it's just that they didn't fit with his very WASP-y self. I had a friend in college who swore he knew what the initial stood for at one point, but he could no longer remember. and not only could he not remember, he didn't care to even try to remember. Needless to say, we're no longer friends. I'm sure the J stands for something really mundane and normal. He's probably a John, or a Joseph, or a James. But if that's the case, why not just use the name rather than the initial? Seriously JaleelJackJonah, you're getting on my nerves.

And lest you think I'm super cranky, it even extends to my family. One of my cousins is named after my grandfather. However, the intention was never to call him by that name. Instead, we call him by his middle name. I understand the desire to name a child after a relative, so why not call him that? William is a very acceptable name. Or, why not make the family name the midde name? It still gets the same point across.

And let's not even start talking about how people are taking normal, respectable names and completely screwing up the spelling in an effort to make the name more "uniqe" or "cute". Actually, let's talk about that.

Emileigh. I saw this on a sticker on the back of someone's car the other day. You know what? Your name is Emily.

Rhys. As in Reece. Guess what, your name is Reece. And yes, I know this is a very English name, but there is no English in that situation.

Lizabeth. Former co-worker's name. How many times did I hear, "No, it's not E-lizabeth. It's like that, but without the E." Just call yourself Elizabeth and make it easier for everyone, okay?

And there are more. So many more. It seems, to me anyway, that if you have to complelety alter the spelling of a name to make it more "unique", then the name itself was never unique to begin with. And why do that to your child? Emileigh sounds the same as Emily. It just has more letters. And no one will ever know how to say Rhys correctly. It's just not going to happen.

Now I feel mean.

I'll just end this with an open letter:

Dear Everybody,

It's just a name. Say it right. Spell it right. It'll make everything easier.

Sincerely,

Mathew

Yes, Mathew is with one 't'. No that's not a mistake. Well, I guess it is. That's how it got put on my birth certificate. My mom didn't notice. My dad was out getting breakfast. No, Matt is not spelled with one 't'. Because that looks weird and then I would be a door mat, that's why. No, none of this entry applies to my name at all. Yes, that is fair. Because I said so, that's why. Because it's my blog. Because I want you to leave me the hell alone, okay? Goodbye to you too.

Worrisome

Alright, I'm a little worried.

You see, there was a period of time where my DellPod was playing songs from the same album repeatedly. I have my workout playlist that I listen to at the gym that has over one hundred songs or so on it. I set it to shuffle so I don't hear the same artist over and over again. Normally this works. However, all of a sudden it started playing many of the songs from Britney Spears' Greatest Hits back to back. Like six or seven songs in a row. It probably would have played even more had I not started just skipping past them.

[Also, I'm really going to need you guys to not judge me on that Britney Spears thing. It keeps me going on the treadmill or the elliptical. Sometimes I need some cheesy pop, mkay?]

When Ms. Spears checked into rehab, checked out of rehab, checked into rehab, checked out of rehab, shaved her head, checked into rehab, there was some debate about if this was the 'real' Britney. That perhaps all of her handlers and managers had been hiding the fact that she was a little bit crazy and a little bit trailer trash all along. I don't know if that is true or not, but some of her titles and song lyrics might shed some light on that. Some of them are highly apropos. For example:

"Hit me baby one more time..." - Hit me with what? Alcohol? Drugs? Maybe both?

"I'm a slave 4 u" - Yet again, what are you a slave for Britney? The crack pipe?

"Media over here, coming through like a world premiere, trench coat and my underwear, let's go with this freak show." - from 'Outrageous' - See, she's all singing about underwear and stuff, and then she goes off and doesn't wear any. Never mind the fact that I have no clue what those lyrics even mean. They make no sense whatsoever. The media is coming on strong? So she puts on a trenchcoat and underwear? I don't understand.

"With a taste of your lips I'm on a ride, you're toxic, I'm slipping under." - You sure are slipping under. You done slipped all the way under.

"Somebody give me my drugs, so I can float on a cloud..." - the opening of 'Do Something' - Hello? Did no one ever catch this? It's like if I were to sing you a song and it started out with lyrics like 'I'm going to punch you in the face, then spray you with mace, then take your money and wallet and make haste', and then I did just that, how could you act all surprised at what just happened? I just sang to you exactly what I was about to do!

"You drive me crazy..." - Apparently, we, as in the public, did drive her crazy.

So my workouts were becoming these regular Britney vigils or something. But then the other day, THIS happened, and all of a sudden, the Britney songs stopped playing back to back. [An aside: I like how my link is to a reputable news source like CNN, because that makes this entire entry much more justifiable than if I would have linked to USWeekly or something.] So is this a mere coincidence? I'm beginning to think that my DellPod was worried about Ms. Spears while she was in rehab, and since she was on the DellPod's mind, the DellPod wanted her to be on my mind too. But now it seems that since she has been released from rehab, the DellPod has released her as well.

And in her place? Song after song from the Black Eyed Peas. So that is why I'm worried. What does my DellPod know that I don't? Is one of the Peas about to get in some sort of trouble? Is Fergie about to wet her pants again?

27 in 2007

People, these are not resolutions. I repeat...these ARE NOT resolutions. These are just things that I would like to have done by the end of the year. If they happen, then great. If they don't happen, then that is okay. They are not life and death. Also, I am 27 years old, so the 27 theme goes together nicely.

So, here goes:

1. Run a 5K. Do this completely and without walking. And beginning the race at the mile 2 marker does not count. Because maybe one time you and your co-worker were trying to get to the starting point but were running late. And maybe you came across the race at the mile 2 marker. So being normal and sane, maybe you just started running at the mile 2 marker. And then maybe you had to act more tired and winded than you really were when you reached the finish line so as not to tip anybody off. This is all hypothetical, by the way.

2. Find a law related job for the summer.

3. Go to a Stars game. Or a Maverick's game. Drink a cold beer and cheer loudly.

4. Wash and wax my truck by hand. I was my truck by hand every once in awhile. I think I've only waxed it once. And I know I could go and pay to have this done, but I don't have that kind of disposable income. Besides, you get a serious feeling of accomplishment when you do this kind of stuff.

5. Find a good volunteer opportunity. Perhaps something with spanish speaking adults and ESL. Or maybe Habitat for Humanity. Find some way to give back, because listen to this...this guy I know got pulled over for speeding, and when the cop came to the car to do the usual routine he asked my friend what he did to help other people. My friend told the officer how he helped with the youth at his church, and to make a long story short, my friend basically got a warning. So that made me think about what I would say, and I'm not proud of the fact that there was not much that came to my mind.

6. Go to the Dallas Musuem of Art. Preferably on one of these nights.

7. Do something with the gym membership. Either use it or cancel it. Using it would require me to switch to a closer location, preferably to a location that GF can use as well. Canceling would mean admitting that throwing away $29 a month is stupid. I convince myself that this isn't a large amount of money, but it is. And I convince myself that if I quit, then I will just have to turn around and pay start-up fees down the road, but if you add up all the monthly dues I pay for nothing, then I have paid a lot more than a simple start-up fee.

8. Travel by plane to a fun destination.

9. Swim in a swimming hole. Probably need to head to Austin for this.

10. Go to a new restaraunt, instead of the standbys. I would really like to try out Trece or Cafe Toulouse.

11.  Use the golf clubs that I bought before I quit my job. They look all nice and shiny in the back of my closet. I bet they would look even better on an actual golf course.

12. Go through boxes and get rid of things that I keep moving from place to place. If I haven't seen and/or used the stuff in over a year, then I probably do not need it, and it must go.

13. Find a liquor drink. I don't even drink all that much, but having a standby liqour drink is not a bad idea. I never order any type of liqour drink because I have no clue what to order. I always stick to Corona and sometimes the situation calls for something a little classier. Maybe 7 and 7?

14. Read a book unrelated to school.

15. Enjoy a weekend at the lake.

16. Figure out my 401K situation. Right now, my old 401K has been rolled over into an IRA...I think. See what I mean? I have no clue. I do know that I got a letter saying that some of the funds that my money is in charge a fee if your balance is less than a certain amount. I think I got charged that fee, and I probably need to remedy this situation.

17. Go to the Arboretum for one of the concerts in the spring/summer.

18. Go to the Sate Fair of Texas and eat a whole lot of fried food.

19. Order my vehicle registration sticker on time...for once.

20. A couple of people I know have recently moved into new houses. It would be nice to actually go see these houses. Maybe even bring them a plant or something.

21. Go through my parent's storage building again and sort out the remaining stuff of mine that has been in there for some time. Convince my dad we need to throw away a lot of junk that he insists on keeping. Get rebuffed. Casually mention to my mom that my dad is being unreasonable in this. Mom then nags. Dad then huffs and puffs. Then I get told to go home. Repeat cycle over and over.

22. Have my college diploma framed. 5 years after the fact isn't too bad, right?

23. Go camping. Whether it is tent camping or cabin camping will be determined later.

24. Go visit my younger cousin at his college which is an hour away from here. Take him to dinner or something.

25. Play a game of tennis.

26. Continue regurar church attendance and not make excuses when things get busy.

and lastly...

27.  This one I'm gonna sit on for now. Just a goal of mine that I'm keeping to myself.

So, that's it. We'll see how it all shapes up. Now, if I were to win the lottery or something, then all this will change and there will be 27 crazy, expensive trips in its place. So if you'd rather read about that in the future, send me lottery tickets.

Year in Review - 2006

Not that this counts as a real post, but here is a little end of the year wrap up. I've never done one of these before, so I thought I'd give it a shot. Also, sorry for all the absence up here. Sorry sorry sorry to the 12 of you that check on this site. I haven't even looked at my stats lately. I don't think I want to.

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? Sang at Evil Sister's wedding. Went to a concert at Gruene Hall. Moved into a house all by myself. Too bad it's not my house.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't think I made resolutions last year. At least I can't remember making them, so obviously if I did, I probably did not keep them. As far as next year, maybe actually use my gym membership. Or cancel it for good. One or the other.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? A few people close to GF gave birth, and all of their babies are very cute. A good friend of mine became pregnant, but that birth will not take place until February.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thankfully.

5. What places did you visit? Not so much with the travel this past year. No job equals no money. I don't think I even stepped foot on an airplane this past year. As far as in-state travels go, covered quite a bit of ground. Houston, Austin, Gruene, College Station, Bonham, Waco. Various cities up and down I-45 and I-35. Oh, and also Ft. Smith, AK, to see some friends.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? As of now, a Nintendo Wii. Tried to buy one last weekend, but no such luck. However, I could very well score one before the New Year, so this could be moot. It is my Christmas gift from my parents, except I have to procure it.

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? September 2, because that was the day of Evil Sister's wedding.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finishing my first year of law school. Not killing my boss over the summer ranks pretty high too.

9. What was your biggest failure? Failing to complete my driver's ed course in time, resulting in me having to go to the municipal court and appear before the judge. Actually, all I did was show one of the municipal attorneys that I had, in fact, completed a driver's safety course. The attorney suggested the judge dismiss the case, and he did. It was the biggest waste of an hour of my life, but a good lesson I suppose.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? The Monday night before Thanksgiving I got a stomach virus that had me near the toilet all night. In all actuality, I highly recommend getting a stomach bug right before a big eating holiday. I got everything out of my system, then did not feel like eating for two days, so when Thanksgiving rolled around I was probably 5 pounds lighter and ready to hit that food. Really, try it.

11. What was the best thing you bought? It would have been the Wii had I planned better and woken up earlier. As it is, I really am enjoying this pair of khaki pants that I bought from the Gap that are very comfortable and casual. And they were $15.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I'm not really sure what this means. All the do-gooders in the world...that always deserves celebration. Two of my grandparents turned 80, and while that isn't exactly 'behavior', it did merit celebration. GF, for putting up with moodiness caused by school.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My boss from my summer job. More angry and defeated than appalled and depressed.

14. Where did most of your money go? Ha! School. (Guess that is the government's money) Books. Gas. Gas. Gas. Seriously, it was so expensive this summer. Lot's of it probably went to eating out, but that is always no fun to admit.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Evil Sister's wedding. Summer vacation that took GF and I all over Texas to see family and friends.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006? All of the songs I have thought of did not, in fact, make their debut in 2006. It is hard for me to hear a song and remember the exact year it made an impact, so this question is very hard for me as well.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? Probably happier. Last year this time was right after the first semester of school, and I was just drained and a little blindsided. Not so much this year.

b) thinner or fatter? Thinner. GF and I made it a point to lose weight over the summer for Evil Sister's wedding. Gained about half of it back, but still a little thinner. That counts.

c) richer or poorer? Well, am now on my second year of school loans, so definitely poorer in the grand scheme of things. Two years ago I was completely debt free. Now, not so much. And I know student loans are 'good debt' as opposed to credit card debt, but it is still hard to swallow at times.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? I suppose I should say studying.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Studying. It's a Catch-22 really.

20. How did you spend Christmas last year? At my parent's and then grandparent's on both sides. We always spend Christmas night at my dad's side. We spent Christmas Eve at my mom's side, and was at my parent's for Christmas Eve night and Christmas morning. Evil Sister got engaged on Christmas Eve night, then we all went to church for the candelight ceremony.

21. Did you fall in love in 2006? I would say so.

22. How many one-night stands? Ha. None.

23. What was your favorite TV program? Lost. But Heroes started in 2006, and it has quickly become the show I get most excited about, so maybe that.

24. What did you do for your birthday in 2006? Went to church, went to brunch at this great Mexican place and proceeded to eat way too much. Then went to GF's parent's house for dinner. My parents, Evil Sister and her husband came as well. GF's birthday is three days after mine, so it was a joint birthday dinner. Proceeded to eat way too much again. Really, I thought I was about to throw up at one point. GF's dad made these amazing bacon-wrapped, stuffed jalapenos, and despite the fact that my mouth felt as if it were on fire, I could not stop eating them. I took all the left-overs home. They should have lasted a week. I finished them the next day.

25. What was the best book you read? Oh y'all, I hardly read anymore. I read so much for school that when I am out of school, I don't really want to look at a book for a while. I bought GF 'The Secret Life of Bees', and I read that over the summer. It was pretty good. Plus, my dad started bee keeping as a hobby over the summer, so it gave me some good insight. Except that my dad is not part of a trio of eccentric, black, bee-keeping sisters, but you get the idea.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? This isn't a musical discovery per se, but I finally got to see Bruce Robison and Kelly Willis in person. I saw Bruce at Gruene Hall over the summer, and then I saw them both at the Granada here in Dallas for their Holiday Concert. They were, as I expected, insanely good and enjoyable. I want to live with them and have them sing to me all the time.

27. What did you want and get? GF got me a new DVD/VCR player for my birthday. That was nice and helpful. I am Tivo-less, so I have to tape shows all old-school style. My old VCR was in the habit of eating my tapes, and my DVD player crapped out, so GF fixed all that.

28. What did you want and not get? Tivo. I didn't really try to get it though. It just doesn't make sense for me to have it right now. Tried for a Wii though. Hasn't happened...yet.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? I do not even know. I used to be much more into movies.

30. Did you make some new friends this year? If so, who? Yes. Different people I met in class. My new neighbors, if you could call them 'friends.'

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not having to study and worry about school related things. Necessary evils, I'm afraid.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? All of my slacks have a thin layer of dust on them where they are folded over the hangar. Business casual has completely gone by the wayside. And during my summer job, I tried to see just how casual I could push it. As for clothes, sales at the Gap and the JCrew outlet are the only things I can afford.

33. What kept you sane? I attended church more regularly this past year. That helped. GF helps. Friends always helps. Family helps, most of the time.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Not really an answer to this question, but when Amy Poehler was pretending to be Britney Spears at her divorce attorney's office...I almost wet myself because I was laughing so hard. Seriously, go to SNL's website and look for that.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? The whole immigration issue fascinated me. Mainly because so many people were protesting something they had no clue about. Not to say that I have any clue about it either, but I wasn't protesting. Also, I really did not want Rick Perry to win Governor again. I think he has done nothing for education and teachers. Practically all of my family are teachers. I will always have their backs.

36. Who did you miss? Evil Sister. Alaska is far, y'all. But Denver is closer, so that will be good for 2007.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Not sure about this one.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006. That my life, despite any bumps or hiccups along the way, is good. Could it be better? Probably. Could it be worse? Definitely. But it is what it is, and that is good. And that is fine by me.

Merry Christmas!

  Here's a little Christmas cheer for you:

One of Santa's Elves wants to wish you a Merry Christmas! (click)

May you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Enjoy your time with family and loved ones. I wish you all prosperity and good health in the coming year.

"Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord." -Luke 2:8

Lest You Doubt Me

The neighbors gathered on Sunday mid-day, kids and dogs in tow. Gathering in my front yard, I might add. I would have stayed inside, hidden behind the security of half-open plantation shutters, except for the fact that me, GF, and my old college roommate were going out for brunch. Running out of the house directly to the car was not an option. I was going to have to talk with them.

Told to me not once, but twice, as I stood outside and socialized with the neighbors:

"Well, you are NEVER home."

Told to me by an eight year-old (8!) when I asked who she belonged to:

"Isn't it unconstitutional to belong to someone? It is against the law to own another person."

The neighbors just laughed.

Asked of me by a neighbor that is quickly becoming my huckleberry:

"When is [Landlady] moving again? Not until May? Hmmm."

Then, when Landlady stopped by later on Sunday to drop off a few things, Nemesis Neighbor happened to drive by the house. She stopped her car, jumped out of the front seat and ran over to greet Landlady.

" [Landlady], it's so good to see you! We can't wait for you to move. Not that we don't want Matt here."

Oh really, Nemesis Neighbor? Cause that's the vibe I'm getting.

The neighbors....they are getting restless.