...otherwise known as Conversations With Various Ladies That Cut My Hair.
Disclaimer: The following conversations in no way reflect my opinions or thoughts on anything. They just happen to be things that were said to me. They were completely unprovoked.
Conversation #1
Her: We have this new guy starting next week. He is gay, and we already have a gay guy that works here. He called to ask if he thought our guy was going to have a problem with him. Why would you call and ask that?
Me: Seems like he is already looking for problems before he starts.
Her: Exactly. See, he's coming from another location and his manager at that location is crazy.
Me: Crazy, huh?
Her: Yeah, she's real crazy. See, I worked over at that location for a little while and me and her did not get along. No one gets along with her. I think she is sending this new guy over here to mess with me.
Me: Maybe he's like her spy or something.
Her: That's alright though. I'll stay out of it. I just sit over here and read my book. Don't bother me when I'm readin' my book. That is how I stay out of the drama. New people always think I'm rude 'cause I'm always just readin' my book, but I can tell if people aren't gonna make it here. Why should I get to know someone and be all friendly with them if I know they will be gone in two weeks? I'll just read my book.
Me: Well, that's not a bad plan.
Her: I tell you though, that lady at the other location is plain crazy. You would not even believe some of the stuff she's done.
Me: Like what? [thinking to myself how interesting this is getting]
Her: Well, her best friend was gettin' a separation from her husband. So this lady goes and gets with her best friend's husband. And when her best friend asks her about it, she just says, "It's not my fault you can't keep a man."
Me: Wow, that's pretty crazy.
Her: And that was supposed to be her best friend.
Me: Yeah, that's pretty messed up.
Her: And then one time she got real mad at her boyfriend, so when he was sleeping she put super glue in his thing.
Me: Excuse me?
Her: Yeah, she put super glue down there. You know how bad that would mess you up?
Me: Umm...I can imagine. I'm sorry..that's a little shocking.
Her: Oh, and she has this baby right? And her baby is mixed. Now, she is white and her boyfriend and the time was mexican. So she tells this guy that he is the father. Now, I know what she looks like, and I've seen her boyfriend and the baby, and I'm here to tell you that there was no way that baby was half mexican. That baby was half black. And she tried to pass it off like it was her boyfriend's. Trying to get child support from him and everything.
Me: He never figured it out?
Her: Oh yeah he did. And he found her and he cut up her legs with a knife.
Me: What?
Her: He cut her legs a few times with his knife. Did you not know that happens?
Me: I can't say that I did.
Her: Oh yeah, don't mess with mexicans. They will cut you up. They will cut you up good.
Conversation #2
Her: Yeah, sometimes I really do not like cutting old people's hair. Sometimes they will have a big patch of cancer on the top of their head.
Me: You sterilize everything, right?
Conversation #3
Her: How is your New Year going?
Me: Pretty good. How about yours?
Her: Well, it's going good.
Me: Did you make any resolutions?
Her: A couple. I said I would get to the gym more and I've been doing that. And I said I would start putting money away for my business.
Me: Oh, what kind of business are you going to start?
Her: See, I'm not goin' to be doin this forever. I'm going to start a catering business. Small at first, then use money from that to start my own barbershop.
Me: Oh, whereabouts?
Her: Back in Louisiana. That's where I'm from. Where I grew up, there is no one that cuts hair real good. I'm always looking at people's necks when I go back and they are always messed up.
Me: Like crooked and stuff?
Her: Yeah, that's what we always do. Look at people's necks and hair and think how better we could do it. Like how a dentist is always looking at people's teeth.
Me: I'd never thought of that. Makes sense.
Her: So yeah, I'll use money from the catering business to start that.
Me: So do you like to cook?
Her: Sometimes. This catering business will be different. It's gonna be specialty things that you can't get without paying a lot of money for it.
Me: Oh, like what?
Her: You know, rum cakes, rum balls, bourbon balls, jello shots...
Me: Oh, so no food?
Her: Well, rum cakes. You know, party supplies. People don't always have time to make their own jello shots for parties. Maybe even have some margarita machines. Rum balls, bourbon balls. There isn't anyone that does that where I'm from.
Me: Sounds like you have a plan.
Her: Well, I do make pretty good jello shots.
Now, my hair takes about 10 minutes to cut. Someone asked me recently why I just don't buy my own clippers and do it myself. I could do this. But then I would miss out on things like this, and honestly, should I have to miss out things like this? I think not.
