Step Away From the Vehicle

So about two weeks after getting married and moving into Wife's apartment, my truck was broken into. Then a month or so after that, it was broken into again. Then over the summer it was, yet again, broken into. Now, I can hear all of you saying: MOVE!. And to this I can only say, we cannot move. For starters, we are in an excellent location. Random crime sprees aside, we love where we live. Besides, there is crime all over Dallas. It's not something you can really get away from, especially near the city. Additionally, our rent is a steal. Seriously, sometimes I wonder what dirty little secret we have over the landlord because he could charge us so much more. Add to that the fact that we're on one income at the moment and it becomes clear that moving isn't an option at this point. I also am pretty certain that it is the same person that targeted my truck, and somehow this seems less scary than three random, unrelated events.

I say the truck was broken into three times, but technically that is not true. The first time was a true break-in. My lock was jimmied open, but nothing was taken on the account of the robber not being able to find my stereo faceplate which was hidden in a very secluded spot called UNDER THE SEAT. Huzzah..I outsmarted the robber! Or did I?

As a result of the jimmy-ing of the lock, the lock itself broke. This created a situation as I would either have to enter through the passenger side of the truck or just leave the truck unlocked. I got into a habit of taking anything of value out of the truck and just leaving it unlocked at night so I wouldn't have to crawl across my bench seat. That was a sight to hold, believe you me. Well, you know what they say about habits, right?

No?

Well me neither apparently, because I happened to leave the stereo faceplate in the truck on the same night that it was burgled. Again. But this time the thief didn't have to do too much seeing as how the truck was unlocked. I lost my cd player that night, but technically it was not a break-in.

After that I decided to get the lock fixed because I was tired of crawling across the bench seat and I thought it ill-advised to leave the truck unlocked. I mean, what if someone started sleeping in it? However, I really didn't care at this point. I mean, what else could they possibly steal? My atlas? Better keep your hands off my bungee cords, that's all I'm saying.

Well, during bar prep I realized that there was still something worth stealing in the truck And that would be the ACTUAL TRUCK itself. As you can imagine, it was an awesome day to go outside and realize the lock had been jimmied yet again, and on top of that, the steering column was jacked up and I couldn't even get my key in the ignition. (R. Kelly shout-out!) While getting the truck towed I learned from the tow-truck driver that my particular make and brand of truck was almost impossible to steal.

So I guess I have that going for me. Easy to break into, hard to steal! That's should be their tagline!

Anyway, I filed a claim and the truck got fixed and everything is fine now. But I still do worry about my truck being vandalized again. I thought about putting in an alarm, but my door locks are manual and I'm not sure if it's possible to have an alarm. I also don't want to put tons of more money into my truck, seeing as how I don't want to be driving it many more years. So instead, I created my own alarm system, designed to be equally as effective as loud beeps and horns. To wit:

or

or better yet

I also thought about appealing to their logical side:

or maybe to their poetic side and speak to them in haiku:

or maybe to to their artistic side?

I guess they are working because [knock on wood], no problems so far!

What do you think of my alarm system? Tune in tomorrow for another reason as to why my truck just keeps getting cooler and cooler!

Comments

[Reid!]

I went through a spell where my Jeep was being broken into nearly every day by the homeless people who live behind my office. I always left everything unlocked (it's not exactly rocket surgery to break into a Jeep...you just unzip the windows), but some doofus still sliced through the plastic side window to get inside. At one point, people actually were hanging out in my car during the day. I'd come down at the end of the day and the passenger seat would be fully reclined. Similar to your sign idea, I put a bait dollar bill in the middle console with a message to the would-be thief. In my mind, the guy would have too much dignity to hand the liquor store clerk a dollar that was magic-markered with "you %#a@! thief!" It disappeared the first afternoon I made it available. Boy I really showed him.

[Dawn]

I love it. Especially the shank/wikipedia one. Because all true badasses get their weapons advice from the innernets.

[Amy]

It looks like you have a lot of time on your hands now that the Bar is over. I hope you are enjoying it!!
I feel your pain about your truck. People liked to break into my teal cavalier back in the day...

[trish cree]

i LOVE the alarm system.... but did you consider your thief may not know how to read?! i think you need to try one with pictures - it may be more effective!! :o)