Dear Sir in Seat 24A,
It started when you pretended that you weren't sitting in my seat. When you got up from the aisle seat to let us into the row, except that I had the aisle seat and you had the window seat. So you asked if I wanted to switch. Normally I wouldn't care, but I wanted to sit in the aisle, so I said no. Sorry for that.
When Wife leaned over to me shortly after take-off and said, "I think this guy's on something," I at first thought she was just exaggerating and trying to be funny. Then I started to observe you a little more, and I must say, your antics had me curious and wondering the same thing.
Tray down, tray up, tray down.
Sunglasses off, sunglasses on, sunglasses in seat pocket, sunglasses back on.
Sun shade up, sunshade down, sunshade back up halfway.
Leg twitch, sigh, leg twitch, leg twitch, leg twitch.
Then you fell asleep and it was very quiet. We got to sit there and read and enjoy our respective books. Wife got to continue her book about some ill-fated suicide pact and teenage lust by some Jodi lady that she's crazy about. I got to finish this book about memories and an abandoned Down syndrome daughter that was supposed to be SO GOOD, except that I found it very slow and depressing, and more than once I wanted to scream at the characters to just STOP COMPLAINING AND STOP REMEMBERING CRAP!
Then the flight attendant came around to take the usual drink orders and whatnot, which woke you up. When she got to our row she took my order, then Wife's order, and then when she got to you, you leaned over all conspiratorially and asked for a lunch and some Pringles. And you proceeded to hand her a credit card. Odd for two reasons: 1) "Lunch" wasn't an option, and 2) This particular airline didn't take credit cards. I guess you didn't appreciate that because you didn't even ask for a drink after that. You did, however, ask us to let you out of the row right after that. Right after we opened our sodas and started pouring them, etc. So we gathered our sodas and our cups of ice, did our best to put up our trays, and made our way into the aisle. Thanks for that good timing.
Then you came back and settled down for a little while. But then you started rifling around. Looking in the seat pocket, looking down at the ground, and then finally looking in between your seat and Wife's seat. Looking rather forcefully. So much that Wife finally asked, "Do you need help with something?"
"I lost my phone," you responded.
"Oh, do you want our help? Is it in the bathroom?" we asked.
"No, don't worry about it. It's a crap phone. It's cool," you replied.
But then later you turned and asked, "Do you mind if I get a little crazy and try to find my phone?" Be our guest.
So that is when you tried to contort yourself and bend yourself in half to look under your seat. Obviously that was not going to work. So we got up and stood in the aisle to give you more room. So you got down on the ground on your hands and knees and began looking for your phone. Then you took your seat cushion and proceeded to pull it off the seat, as if we had landed in the ocean and you needed to turn your cushion into the flotation device that it can become. That was a little odd, but I guess it was a good decision because guess what?
You found your phone!
And you also found a lady's wrist watch! This really excited you because you jumped up and thrust the watch towards the girl that was sitting behind you. "Look what I found! Is this yours?" you yelled. It was not hers. The flight attendant, who was kinda standing there wondering why we were in the aisle, she took it and some random lady might now get her watch back. So in that respect, job well done sir!
In all other respects though, I wonder if you really were on something. Not that it matters I guess. You weren't rude or offensive. You weren't really all that obnoxious. You were just....off. Something just wasn't right. Maybe you were just tired. Or maybe you were really hungry. Or maybe that is your normal behavior. Who knows.
What I do know, however, is that you, Mr. 24A, made the tail-end of a long flight eventful. And you gave me a good story to tell. So thank you Mr. 24A! Till we meet again.