UPDATE: Cable is back on (the locals anyway)! And I didn't have to pay a re-connect fee. It really is amazing how far you can get if you just act like a jerk. I hate doing that, and I don't always condone it, but the more stink you make, the better you get treated sometimes.
Now, since it is February 4th, it seems perfectly logical to post pictures from Christmas, right? I wouldn't want to flood the already saturated month of December with Christmas stuff, so why not wait until February. I'm telling you...it's logical. So, let Christmas begin.
This is my parent's Christmas tree. It is very bright. My mom insists on having a very bright Christmas tree. Each one of those branches was individually wrapped three times with a strand of lights. The lights stay on the tree all year. Inevitably, a strand or two goes out every year and someone has to dig in the tree to find out where that strand ends and where it begins. Then the strand has to be taken out and a new one gets woven in. It is a process. This year, as I was standing at the tree looking at some of the ornaments, two strands just went out all of a sudden. My mom happened to be walking through the room at that time. I got blamed for the whole thing. I believe the exact words were,
"WHAT DID YOU DO?? JUST GET AWAY FROM IT! CHRISTMAS IS RUINED!"
Okay, the Christmas is ruined' is a little exaggerated. [Hey, I'm James Frey!]
Also note the ornaments on the tree. My mom puts only the pretty ornaments on the front. All of the hand-made ornaments we made growing up get stuck in the very back. There aren't even any lights on the very back of the tree, but there is this wood bear ornament that I painted in kindergarten. It is hideous. Actually, I don't think it has made the cut the past few years.
One more tree story. One year, a long time ago, my mom used to have then women of her faculty over to our house every Christmas. My Dad, Sister and I were banished from the house. In preparation for this party, everything had to be perfect. While my mom was out at the grocery store or something, my Dad got this idea that it would be cozy and quaint to set up a toy train that went around the Christmas tree. He enlisted my sister and I to help him. He and my sister lifted the tree up and I slid a piece of plywood underneath the tree. We then set the train track up and tried to artfully arrange the gifts around the track and the train. It did not turn out to be cozy and quaint. It looked like a piece of plywood, slid under a Christmas tree, with a dinky train going round in circles. The train had to go. So my sister and I were enlisted to do the same jobs again; they picked up the tree and I removed the board.
Sometime during this process, things started to go wrong. The tree began to sway back and forth. A little bit at first, but then it started swaying so much that ornaments began to fly off the tree. As if they were reindeer, the ornaments sailed through the room. My Dad and Sister wisely set the tree down, but it was too late for most of the ornaments. The tree looked bare, and my Mom was going to be home soon. And it was the day of the show y'all. [10 points for guessing that reference.] My mom is not someone who goes with the flow. She freaks out, so we had to do something. We panicked and began sticking ornaments on the tree as fast as we could. However, we are not as skilled as placing the ornaments on the tree. All of the ornaments ended up on the front of the tree, and I have already told you that the handmade, sentimental, thoughtful ornaments DO NOT GO IN THE FRONT. Needless to say, my Mom quickly realized that something was rotten in the state of Denmark. We were all summoned to the living room and blamed for everything. I think the exact words were:
"WHAT DID Y'ALL DO?? GET AWAY FROM IT!! CHRISTMAS IS RUINED!!"
These are two of the most spoiled dogs in the DFW metroplex. Snuffy, my parent's dog is on the right. He used to be my sister's, but my Mom took him away. So when my Sister became evil and moved to the Tundra [aka Alaska], she decided she needed another dog. She got the dog on the left, Pepper. Pepper is a typical puppy and followed Snuffy everywhere. Snuffy is too cool, and way to spoiled to deal or take an interest in Pepper, or you, or anything really unless it's food, so pictures are not really his thing.
See. Notice Snuffy's nub of a tail at the bottom of the photo. Pepper just keeps sitting there, as if he was thinking, "But they are telling us to stay. Is this what I do? What is this around my neck?!?"
Meanwhile, Snuffy has already bolted and was probably saying, "This is so lame. I canNOT believe you make me do this EVERY year. Get this thing off my neck NOW and give me some kibble."
And finally, I leave you with this.
This picture was taken at my grandparent's house on Christmas night. The first thing my Grandma noticed when she bought this a few years ago was, "Hmm...it is missing one Wise Man." Yes, that was the FIRST thing she noticed. A year or two went by, and one Christmas she looks at the nativity scene and asked everyone, "Is that nativity scene...black?" Why yes Grandma, it is. Now she continues to put it up each year.
According to her, "If you think about it, Mary, Joseph, the Wise Men, Jesus...they all lived in the middle east. Their skin was probably dark like that anyway."
Merry Christmas everyone! DON'T RUIN IT!!